


Worth losing sleep over

by SmileDesu



Category: New Avengers (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Anxiety, Insomnia, M/M, brain noise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileDesu/pseuds/SmileDesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Congratulations, Billy, you’re the new team leader! But are you sure that’s such a good idea?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth losing sleep over

**Author's Note:**

> Right after New Avengers #11

The red dot refused to blink in any pattern that made sense. Long blinks, short blinks, long blink- no, they were just really fast and frequent short blinks. The next such occurrence drew out a long, heavy sigh, and finally the teen gave up on hoping that his pc's hardware lamps, blinking from across the room, would lull him back to sleep. Thus Teddy Altman pushed himself up and out of bed, groaning all the while.  
It hasn't been that long since Teddy went to bed, only long enough for it to be frustrating to be up again. Making the most of the situation, Teddy made a quick trip to the bathroom, then hit the kitchen for a drink. Fully prepared to try that sleep thing again, he headed towards his room, only to come to a stop in the middle of the hallway. He didn't notice it earlier, but now it was obvious one of the doors was open, a light on behind it. Normally, Teddy wouldn't have given it a second thought, knowing how not a single boy in the house actually had sleeping habits, but it just so happened that room belonged to Teddy's boyfriend, and the day they've had was just enough of a mess to make Teddy worry. Saying goodbye to sleep for a while longer, Teddy inhaled and knock on the door.  
"...yeah?" came the hesitant reply. Teddy realized he had hoped the person on the other side of the door was asleep again already, the light left on unintentionally, but as he opened the door, he knew this was the lesser evil - he could've just kept quiet and to himself, after all, letting Teddy go on with his business, never the wiser.  
"Teddy?!" The reaction was everything Teddy could've hoped for, really. Sitting on the floor with his back to the bed was Billy, who, upon seeing his partner at the door, responded with a genuine mix of happiness, surprise and concern. He had a book in his hands, and the light from the bedside lamp showed just enough for Teddy to know he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. It was a sight Teddy knew all too well, but refused to jump to conclusions just yet.  
  
"Hey. Fancy seeing you still up."  
  
"A pot calling the kettle black, much?"  
  
"Looks like. But this pot just had a drink and was about to go back to sleep. What's up with you, kettle?" Taking several steps closer, Teddy squinted his eyes as he tried to identify the book Billy was holding. "That is one _old_ Star Wars novel."  
  
Billy held the book up with a chuckle. "Yeah, this, I--" A sigh left him instead of the rest of the sentence, taking with it any pretense of bravado he managed to come up with. "You wouldn't believe me if I said I just _had_ to look up a reference, would you?"  
  
Teddy gave the matter some thought before shaking his head. "Not after that question, no."  
  
Billy pursed his lips, nodding grimly. "Figured as much."  
  
Which was probably why he asked it in the first place, Teddy figured but kept that to himself. Instead, he closed the distance and sat down next to Billy. He sat opposite to the lamp on Billy's other side so most of what he saw was shadows, but he saw enough for him to see just how tired Billy looked.  
"What's eating you?"  
  
The mage seemed reluctant to reply at first, but knew better than to think he'd be allowed to excuse his way out of it - not after the hole he dug for himself. Now, had he outright told Teddy to leave it, Teddy would've obliged - though he'd have asked again at a later time, probably when both had have some sleep and preferably some coffee. As it was, Billy seemed just tired enough to be willing to get this over with - or at least, started.  
  
"Hell of a day today, huh?" he finally asked, and Teddy was inclined to agree.  
  
"Quite a day, yeah."  
  
Today started with meeting up with Doreen Green, the unbeatable Squirrel Girl, in order to figure out what the three of them were going to do now that Roberto so gracefully kicked them out of his refurbished AIM. Seeking answers to questions others were ill equipped to answer, Billy suggested they talked to the Scarlet Witch, a long lasting magical Avenger with quite a convoluted history in her own right. They agreed, though being ultimately strangers with Wanda, Doreen opted to stay behind and wait for the boys in the building's lobby. In hindsight, Teddy wished he'd have done the same. He didn't have much to talk to Wanda about either, regardless of her being his spiritual in-law, a fact that made a lot of sense given Billy hadn't known Wanda for that long or well either - and he wasn't just her son, he was her fan! It was complicated, and neither the heavy incense that filled Wanda's apartment nor her pressuring them regarding their relationship helped any. At least she had little choice words to say to Teddy himself - between that awkward topic and the debate over Billy's superhero codename, Teddy's partner wasn't half as lucky.  
  
"Are you still bothered by what Wanda said?"  
  
The look on Billy's face, not unlike surprise, let Teddy know that even if Billy _was_ bothered by it, he wasn't thinking about it all too much. In short, Teddy got it wrong. Still, Billy seemed ready to answer, so Teddy let him, thinking it was best to at least get the ball rolling.  
  
"I'm not going to suggest we elope, worry not."  
  
"A pity. If nothing else, with your powers, we could've made a _killing_ in Vegas."  
  
"Until the karmic backlash caught up, at least."  
  
"Don't bother me with the details."  
  
"Heh," Billy chuckled before letting a more sober look settle on his face. "It's just... I don't think she realizes what she offered me was to effectively _convert_. She has the best of intentions in mind, I don't doubt that, and it _is_ something I should become more knowledgeable about--"  
  
"Seeing how Dr. Strange thinks you're fit to replace him--" Teddy couldn't help but smirk at the way Billy screeched to a halt.  
  
"Thanks, Tee, I _was_ starting to relax a bit, how kind of you to remind me of that."  
  
Teddy grinned and bumped their knees together. Still, he knew better than to continue derailing the conversation. "You should talk to her about it. Let her know this bothers you and why. I'm sure Wanda will understand."  
  
"Probably," Billy agreed and bumped Teddy's knee back. "She _was_ right about one thing, though."  
  
"The name change?"  
  
Billy nodded. They bumped knees again. "Wiccan _isn't_ the best name for me, but I _have_ had it for a while and there's meaning if not power in that. If nothing else, I don't think I should change it _just_ for the sake of changing it. Besides, isn't that how I ended up in this mess in the first place?"  
  
"I do remember you shrugging when Kate and Cassie suggested it."  
  
"Exactly!" Billy exclaimed, knee pressed against Teddy's in a battle for territory. He was the one to yield first, however, and did so in favor of deflating and slightly curling up. "It's not like the only available alternative is that great, either."  
  
' _Demiurge_ '. From the moment they found out about that term, the only good thing about it seemed to be the fuzzy green creatures who worshipped Billy for it. Things haven't gotten any better since, coming to a recent climax when a future version of Billy using that name made that future's Avengers travel back in time to try and kill him. They've achieved their objective through different means, but still, Teddy couldn't blame Billy for leaving that name alone for the time being, if not altogether.  
  
" _Magic Lad_ ," Teddy blurted, relishing the look of growing horror in Billy's eyes. "Charm boy? Caster Supreme-- _High Roller_! Wait that didn't make sense. Oh, oh! Spellweaver!"  
  
Billy, who was busy pushing Teddy's leg again with renewed zeal, came to a stop with a blink. "That's... not half bad, actually, if inaccurate."  
  
"Details, bothering, etcetera," Teddy teased before reaching to poke Billy's knee with his hand. "Poke."  
  
A brow was quirked in response; Teddy shrugged and tried a different approach. "Fun as this is, I don't think a night of insomnia is the best time to pick a new name for yourself."  
  
The shift in topic, gentle and just about casual, _was_ appreciated, yet still Billy looked away, his eyes reflecting the kind of exhaustion sleep wouldn't necessarily cure.  
"Can't argue with that, though now I'm kind of curious what we could come up with."  
  
"We're not half as sleep-deprived as we'd have to be for this to be really worth it," Teddy teased back before falling silent when Billy shuffled closer, head resting on Teddy's shoulder. It made Teddy smile and he kissed the top of Billy's head, then proceeded to close his eyes and enjoy the closeness. Maybe it was his imagination, but it still didn't feel like Billy put it all out in the open. Seeing how the guy wasn't talking, however, Teddy wondered how long it'll take for them to fall asleep like this. He, personally, was already halfway there, but then-  
  
"Do you think I have what it takes?"  
  
Teddy opened his eyes before blinking in an attempt to focus. The question wasn't a never-before explored one; they had this discussion before returning to the fray and joining Roberto's team. However, nothing about that day's events rang even close, leaving Teddy at somewhat of a loss. If anything, shouldn't it have proved as much...?  
  
"You'll have to be more specific--"  
  
"To be team leader."  
  
"...oh."  
  
Oh.  
See, today didn't end with them leaving Wanda's place. After breakfast with Doreen in tow, the three proceeded to apprehend two crooks Squirrel Girl was apparently familiar with. Hawkeye and Songbird were already there when they arrived, and upon completing their duty, Billy offered Clint a spot on the team. It was then Clint did it - he called Billy out as being the de-facto leader.  
_Oh_.  
Teddy hadn't thought much of it at the time, among other things being too distracted by Billy's bright smile, but in hindsight it made sense Billy would lose sleep over it once it sank in. The question was, then, how to proceed from there.  
  
"Don't _you_?"  
  
Billy sigh was long and heavy as he pulled away, sitting up with his head against the mattress, eyes staring unseeingly ahead.  
"I don't _know_ ," he replied honestly. Teddy fumbled for something to say, but Billy wasn't waiting for an intermission, a fact Teddy was rather grateful for. "Growing up, I always imagined being an Avenger, going on adventures with them, saving the world, being the 'good guy'. Sometimes, I'd get ahead of myself and pretend I was a leader of my own team. I'd get all my action figures in a row and bark out orders, and every time, without fail, we'd win and save the day." The hint of optimistic nostalgia gave way to something forlorn. "But you and I both know that's not how it works in real life. Bad things happen, and when they do, you can't fix them by replacing a rubber band, or a spring, or even getting a new one. Especially if you're the leader - then it's all on you."  
  
The memory of Eli and Kate, both filled with regret and guilt over Cassie's death, came to mind. They've all replayed the events of that day numerous times and while mistakes _were_ made, when it came down to it, where it mattered the most, there wasn't anything any of them could've done to stop Cassie - to save her. Sure, she _got better_ since, and at least Kate was back to fighting the good fight, but both boys knew even Kate still carried that day with her, as did Eli, who remained inactive. Granted, Teddy didn't think being the leader really had _that_ much to do with it - after all, Billy wasn't team leader at the time, yet still responded the worst out of all of them, piling as much guilt as he could on himself. Would being the leader really change anything?  
  
"...shit," Billy hissed, snapping Teddy out of his thoughts. He looked at Billy to find him wincing, one hand covering his eyes. "I'm barely managing as-is, now this... what was I _thinking_?!"  
  
"Hey, hey, _hey_! None of that!" Teddy berated and reached for Billy's other hand, gripping it tightly. "You _are_ managing, you're doing _great_! And, ok, she's not the best person to bring up, but even Songbird said we did good today!"  
  
"You're right - she's a _bad_ person to bring up right now."  
  
Teddy groaned and tugged at Billy's hand. "She's still a pro who knows what she's doing. That has to count for something." Thankfully, Billy had nothing to counter that with, so Teddy went on. "As for whether or not you have what it takes--" It was Billy's turn to groan now; Teddy sighed. "I know you were hoping for a straight answer--"  
  
"No, that-- that was stupid," Billy replied, eyes moving rapidly as he chased random dots on the ceiling. His mind was racing, Teddy could practically see that, and worried about where he'd get if left alone for too long. Seeing how Billy was silent, he therefore said what he intended to a moment ago.  
  
"I think this is a good team to find that out with."  
  
Focusing back took some effort, but Billy managed after a moment, frowning at Teddy in confusion. "How do you mean?"  
  
"Well," Teddy began and shifted a bit so he could better face Billy. "For starters, no one is new to this. You, me, Doreen, we've all been at it for a while, and Clint is an outright vet. No one'll need you to hold their hands and tell them what to do, step by step."  
  
"That's true," Billy agreed softly, making Teddy smile before continuing.  
  
"You also don't need to worry about teamwork. We don't have enough people to really need a, a conductor, and whatever kinks we had working together, we ironed out back on the island. Now, I'm not going to pretend you can't have ego wars with just four people-"  
  
"And thank Nate and Eli for that insight."  
  
Teddy snorted; that was so very, very true, if just a tad too besides the point. "What I'm getting at is that the worst you have to worry about is Clint 'pulling rank', and he'd only do it to get under your skin. So there's that type of drama we were spared, making this quite an ideal learning party, I think."  
  
"Yeah," came the silent agreement, but somehow Teddy felt like rather than feel relief, he should brace for impact - and he wasn't wrong. "It also sounds like we don't even _need_ a leader at all."  
  
It's not that Teddy didn't see how Billy reached that conclusion; it made a lot of sense given what he himself just said. He simply disagreed with it.  
"You're wrong."  
Maybe Billy was looking for a way out and Teddy was blocking it. That was a very likely scenario. It couldn't be helped, though - Teddy wanted to be as honest as he possibly could with Billy - even if that meant saying things Billy didn't want to hear. Too often that ended up being praise, and this time wasn't going to be any different.  
"This morning, what were we? Three college students sitting in a diner, talking about going after two of Squirrel Girl's bad guys. Now, that _had_ to be done, yes, but that's all it would've been. Doreen's heart is always in the right place, but I doubt it was anything more than taking care of what was right in front of her. Because we were both there, she asked us to come along, but that's it. Me? I wasn't any better," Teddy went on to admit, and despite his words, had a small smile on his lips. "'We could even be the Young Avengers again'. Heh. I went back to something familiar, something... _safe_ , in a way. I mean, it's _not_ safe, but... I know what that was like, what it entailed, and Doreen jumped right in, happy just to still be part of our team. But _you_?" Damn the bad lighting; Teddy hoped Billy could see even half the admiration he had in his eyes when he looked at him. "You stepped out of the comfort zone. You owed up to it. No more waiting for permission, no more playing around--"  
  
"Those were Roberto's words," Billy argued and took advantage of the pause in Teddy's speech to lean forward, legs bent in front of him and shoulders slumped. Teddy didn't relent; if anything, it made him push forward all the more, knowing he was getting through. Why else would Billy be getting so defensive?  
  
"Yeah, but you proved him right. You lived up to those words, and made them your own. You did what neither me nor Doreen did, and, really? You didn't feel it? How much _better_ and, and _righter_ everything felt after? _Whole_?"  
The way Billy was curling up now had noticeably more bashfulness to it, which Teddy found to be utterly endearing. It made what he had to say next much easier to get out, even if he realized he was blushing.  
"I mean, _jeez_... when you got up and said we were taking it back, I..." It was hard to look at Billy for this, so Teddy reached for his hand, and was grateful when Billy let him hold it. "I think I fell for you a bit harder. I felt like I could follow you anywhere."  
  
Now able to look up again, Teddy found Billy staring at him, awed and speechless and - if the lamp's light was to be believed - mildly blushing as well.  
  
"It's that _spark_ that you have that we don't, and I think Clint saw it, too... dammit, Billy!" Teddy exclaimed, his sudden excitement resembling his usual hype for his passions. " _Clint Barton_ acknowledged you as team leader, then proceeded to join your team! Whatever it takes, _you have it_!"  
  
Ok, the way Billy was squirming and scratching the back of his neck was _adorable_ , Teddy concluded, but he could point that out later.  
  
"No, we don't need a drill sergeant to jump us through hoops. But we do need a _compass_. Someone to tell us which way is the right one, and to give meaning to what we do. That's exactly what you did today." Feeling it finally appropriate, Teddy reached his free hand to Billy's chin, tilting his head in order to establish eye contact. "That was all you, no one else."  
They met each other's gaze for longer than Teddy had hoped, and when Billy finally looked away, he took hold of Teddy's hand at his chin. The grip was tighter than Teddy had anticipated, so he knew it wasn't over yet. The look on Billy's face, resembling hurt and fear, proved as much.  
  
"What happens when I point _south_? What happens when- when it's one of _those_ days?"  
  
It was a legitimate concern. Teddy remembered well those dark days where Billy remained by the windowsill, keeping the world at bay. He remembered the days where it was better but not by much, and the only thing keeping Billy from crawling back there were the last remains of his force of will, refusing to let it get quite _that_ bad again - or rather, admitting that it already was. Teddy remembered, but had nothing to say that he hadn't before, so he fell back on the familiar repertoire - albeit with a new variation.  
  
"Then you still have me, and you still have Doreen and Clint. Team leader's still a part of the team, you know. We've got your back. I mean, sure, not much we can do about the fog inside your head or anything, but..." He waited until Billy looked at him again, and hoped the mischievous glint in his eyes wasn't giving too much away. "We can't carry it for you, but we can carry _you_."  
  
It took Billy a moment to process, but then he let out a snort. "Did you just--"  
  
Teddy replied by wiggling his eyebrows. Billy shook his head, the smile on his lips quite the smitten one. He took his time to answer after that, and when he did, Teddy thought it was well worth it.  
  
"Thank you, Samwise."  
  
"You're welcome, Mr. Frodo."  
  
The lighter air lingered until Billy pushed himself up, complaining about the circulation to his legs. Teddy followed suit and sat next to him on the bed. Billy seemed better now, a bit more at ease even if still with a lot on his mind, and Teddy had half a mind to put the matter to rest, but he didn't. Not that long ago, Billy was there for him when he needed it, and he felt like he shouldn't leave anything unsaid.  
  
"Hey. Remember what you told me, right before we left the Knights behind and came back home?"  
  
Billy frowned, his words making Teddy regret the question instantly. "That's when things started getting fuzzy in my head, Ted, you'll have to remind me."  
  
Right; damned space-squid. Teddy scratched his nape sheepishly but recovered soon enough.  
"I said I wasn't sure I even _wanted_ to be king, and _you_ said--"  
  
"That's why you'd make a great one."  
  
Teddy nodded slowly before biting his lip. "I won't lie - it's a relief to know that was still you."  
  
"Just barely, but yes," Billy concluded before offering Teddy half a smirk. "And now I get to eat those words?"  
  
Teddy nodded, the motions long and emphasized. "You're not getting into this half-baked. Sure, it kind of happened on its own, but you know what you're facing, you're aware of the possible consequences, and you'll never take this lightly. We really couldn't ask for more." The conclusion was accompanied with half a hug when Teddy wrapped his arm around Billy's shoulders. The mage leaned closer, silent as he let himself process it all. Finally he let out a breath before turning to look at Teddy. It was hard to tell because of the dim light, but Teddy could make out just enough of that beautiful glow in Billy's eyes, and he felt like finally, it would all work out.  
  
"To hell with it. I'll do it."  
Grinning, Teddy leaned in and kissed Billy's cheek, ignoring any mock displays of protest.  
"Yeah, yeah, you only talked me into it to say you're sleeping with the leader."  
  
Teddy looked aside in an intentionally suspicious manner; Billy lightly slapped his knee. It made Teddy snicker, then he turned to Billy.  
  
"Speaking of sleep, think you'll be able to manage that now?"  
  
"Probably not," Billy admitted, and was quick to add to that when he saw the worried look on Teddy's face. "There isn't anything we haven't talked about, at least, I don't think so. But now I need some time to unwind, let it sink a bit."  
  
"Well, in _that_ case--" Teddy pulled Billy closer and gave him the slyest look he could manage. "I recall some guild-mates talking about _raiding_ tonight."  
  
"Oh yes, nothing like wiping half a dozen times so I'll go to bed angry and frustrated."  
  
"It'll be distracting, if nothing else!"  
  
"True that," Billy confirmed before taking a moment to stare at Teddy's face. It was a bit unnerving until he cupped Teddy's face with both hands and pulled him closer for a proper kiss.  
"Thank you," he whispered, thumbs running under Teddy's eyes. Teddy, meanwhile, was busy grinning.  
  
"You're welcome. You know I'm here for you, right? Whatever you need."  
  
"I know," Billy reassured and stole another kiss. Then Teddy snatched one, too, and another.  
  
"...maybe we can do something else..." he muttered against Billy's lips, hands running up and down the mage's sides. Billy seemed to be considering the suggestion quite favorably, teeth digging into his lower lip, but then he glanced at the door and pulled away.  
  
"We probably shouldn't," and when Teddy whined, he countered - "Besides, I'd rather do it when I'm in a better mindset for it and can properly enjoy it."  
  
That made Teddy whine louder. "Not fair, you know I can't win against that one!" He still didn't let Billy go, not before enjoying one last kiss, after which he stayed close, and was noticeably less playful.  
" _Anything_ , Bee."  
  
Billy nodded and after a moment, slowly pushed Teddy away. "I'll hold you to it when the loot drops."  
  
Teddy winced theatrically. "Me and my big mouth..." he complained, but only kept up the act until Billy went to his computer. He didn't seem ready for bed quite just yet, but was by far calmer and somehow lighter. If helping Billy get there meant Teddy had to lose a bit of sleep, it was definitely worth it. Oh, and give up on loot... yeah. Still worth it.  



End file.
